Coffee Shop Incident #1

Coffee Shop Incident #1

One of many, I’m sure.

Now, gather round, everyone. Place your pillows on the floor, place your behinds on the pillows; open your ears and prepare your minds, because…


It’s Story Time!

So, to begin, here’s some starting information: This Coffee Shop I’m working at? I only just started working there. Specifically, I’m on Day Two. It’s mostly just training at the moment.

In addition to learning how to make all the drinks, I’m also meeting all the other baristas. I met three of them yesterday, and another two today. They are all lovely people, and the job seems really fun. Everyone laughs and tells jokes; they’re always goofing around.

Now, here’s the more important information. S (that’s what I’ll be calling him) is a pretty funny guy. He’s really chill, sings a lot almost subconsciously, and is always just… being funny. I think it’s literally a state of being for him.

But, sometimes, he’s less funny – well, not so much less – and more flirty. He was in charge of the drive-through today, and he made an effort to seduce each and every one of the women who came over the speakers. We could genuinely tell the apparent gender of the customer simply by the tone of S’s voice. It was, quite frankly, inspiring.

Once one of the more clearly feminine customers had driven away, S turned to me and began to recount a shameful time in his so-far very short career at this coffee shop.

“In case you couldn’t tell,” he told me (although I certainly could tell), “I talk a little differently to the women than I do to the men. When the lady pulls up to the window and I realize she’s three times my age, I definitely regret everything, but you don’t know until you try.”

But that wasn’t the point of his story, I soon realized, because he quickly continued. The story fell into place in my head as he narrated it.

A customer had pulled up to the drive-through. S was ready, headset on, flirty womanizer voice fully equipped. “Welcome to *coffee shop,*” he must have purred. “Order whenever you’re ready.”

A feminine voice filtered through the headset, shy and small. S was quick to reassure the customer, of course.

“I’ll see you at the window,” he surely said as he turned around to make the customer’s drinks.

The story became more vivid in my head as he continued.

S had turned around, ready to greet the promising new customer with their drink. A smile was on his face. A pick-up line was on his mind.

The first thing he saw was the mustache.

Thick and brown all across the customer’s upper lip, leading the rest of the customer’s appearance into view as the customer’s car slowly eased forward. Short brown hair, a defined jaw. S knew that he had done goofed.

And yet! There was no turning back, not now that he had come so very far! The least he could do was finish was he started – albeit with a very different end goal in mind. “Here’s your coffee, sir, that’ll be $2.89,” he said coolly, handing over the drink.

S’s story ended there, but I imagined the man had winked as he drove away with a coffee in his hand and a blossoming romance in his heart.

“His name is Mark,” S groaned as he finished his story. “He’s a regular.”

Alas, he still flirts via drive-through.

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